2. Before you type that long, mushy text, think about the ones you’ve received, put down the phone, and go shower, go write, go eat. Don’t pick it back up unless it’s to update your status to “Having a wonderful time.”
3. Adding “without you, motherfucker.” is optional.
4. Call your friends, your real friends. And this is how you tell if they’re your real friends or not; they tell you when your acting like a pitiful fuckwad over someone who does not give a shit about you and that you are more than a pitiful fuckwad. Then they hug you while you cry.
5. Don’t ever think that someone who is made idle by your tears is a friend. Crying in someone’s arms is probably the truest form of intimacy, and it’s the only form of intimacy you need when your brain and heart look like burnt scrambled eggs.
6. Don’t have sex with the friend. Don’t do it. You pull another heart into this. Don’t have sex with a stranger right away either, you will cry in your sleep. You will drink.
7. When they call, when they text, when they show up at your door with lilies or a “please.” This is what you do, you listen, you read, you stand in the the doorway. The world is still spinning, nothing they can say can crack pavement or bring the sun down to reignite the warmth in your chest you once felt for them. (And if you still feel that warmth, maybe you should consider what brought you to this point. Remember the pain. Remember the tears. Remember the good times, too. If they ever hit you in the past, empty a can of maze in their face or forward their call to the cops. If they cheated on you, use the aforementioned keys and key their car, key their door, key their motherfucking face, and please get tested.) If they abandoned you, tell them “I deserved better. I deserved more. My love is too extraordinary to be thrown back in my face.” Never take them back. There are over seven billion people in the world. Why, why, why would you go back to the one that doesn’t recognize how singular, how beyond infinite you are?
9. If you never dated them, move on. Get as far away as possible, let them chase you if they want. In the end, it’s their loss.
10. If you don’t learn to love yourself, you will always be chasing the ones who don’t love you.
11. Don’t believe their I love you’s until they prove it. Until they throw away your used tissues. Until they remind you to buckle up and take the phone out of your hand when you drive. Until they cry with you. Until they hear your fears and all the mistakes you made and still think you’re the shit. Tell them that, and if they protest, you have your truth right there.
12. Love, and I am talking about healthy love, is mutual compromise. You might take a bullet for them, but they are giving you the blood transfusion as soon as your ass gets to the hospital. And they are taking care of you. And they are yelling at you for not letting them take that bullet for you.
13. Never give parts of yourself to people who don’t give back, this is how you lose yourself.
14.”Forever” is probably the biggest lie ever told. Don’t trust someone who tells you “forever”, and don’t you dare tell someone “forever.” Forever isn’t your choice, forever isn’t your promise to make. If you want to be truthful, you tell them “for as long as we have.” And you make “for as long as we have” count.
15. Don’t ever say “you weren’t shit to me anyway.” or “I never cared about you.”
16. You were always shit to me, I always cared about you.
17. It took two bottles of NyQuil, one serious note, probably a hundred indirects, my friends threats to jump him\and or run her stank ass over, and so many crying sessions of biblical flood proportions to realize that the only satisfying and certain revenge is to do better. That’s it. I mean, still key their car and make those indirects but don’t forget, do better.